Fauna Submission Example: Seahorses

by Victoria Bromley

A short story on the theme ‘fauna’ which may inspire your submission to issue 04: flora & fauna.

My favourite fact at dinner parties was that male seahorses gave birth. Not that I went to many dinner parties, if any, but I found comfort in having that fact tucked away under my sleeve.

*

If men had periods, would their testicles be filled with clotting blood which leaked out once a month? A month nursing themselves back to health, bedridden and sore. Work would grant them the whole week off, paid, and a generous maternity leave with added benefits on top.

*

I watched a YouTube video once of a seahorse giving birth. A hole in his stomach opened and out flew a flurry of tiny seahorses like an underwater trumpet. I rewatched the video three times before my boyfriend asked me what I was watching. I told him my dinner party fact and showed him the video, which became my fourth viewing, but his laugh was distanced, and I don’t think he fully understood the gender political debate I wanted it to inspire. He went into the kitchen and filled the kettle. I watched it again.

*

I went to bed thinking about male tampons.

*

‘If you got pregnant, would you keep it?’ I asked my boyfriend the next day over breakfast. He turned down the news on the TV.

‘How would I give birth?’

‘Ignore the logistics.’

‘Then I don’t know.’ He didn’t give it much thought as he sipped from his mug.

‘I think abortions would be through the roof if men were the ones to give birth,’ I said, and he didn’t argue.

*

On my fifth rewatch, I focused on the tiny offspring, plummeting through the water in the initial surge then drifting slowly away, aimlessly floating, unsure of this new habitat, out in the open, no longer safe in the warmth of a belly, exposed to this new life.

*

‘Do you want children someday?’ My boyfriend handed me a plate of risotto he’d cooked from scratch. It was all he could cook. I told him I did want children, but not yet, and asked why the sudden interest. ‘It’s not me,’ he said, ‘you’re the one going on and on about baby seahorses and giving birth.’

‘I’ve not been on about it that much, have I?’ I asked, but the aghast look on his face said it all.

*

‘Men can impregnate hundreds of women in a day, theoretically. Yet women are the ones on birth control.’

‘That’s a lot of sex in one day,’ my boyfriend said. He missed the point completely.

*

My boyfriend’s colleague invited us to his leaving drinks. Just a few pints in the pub down the road, then a takeaway to soak up the booze. In the taxi home, my mind was fizzing from too much cider. My boyfriend prodded me in the ribs, and I yelped.

‘You didn’t share your seahorse joke.’

I could feel tears welling in my eyes, either from the missed opportunity or the fact he thought it was a joke, I couldn’t tell.

*

The seahorse giving birth video was the first thing to pop up on my YouTube homepage whenever I opened the app. I watched it every single time.

*

I copied the link to the YouTube video and pasted it into the comments section under my friend’s ultrasound post on Facebook. We met at university and haven’t spoken since. She’s having a girl. The next day I revisited the post to see if anyone had reacted to it. The comment was deleted.

*

‘What are you watching?’ My boss looked over my shoulder while I was on my lunch break.

‘Nothing.’ I clicked off the tab, not wanting him to see.

‘Ahh, I get it.’ He tapped the side of his nose, a gesture that he promised to keep my secret safe, although I didn’t know what he thought I was hiding. I nodded and said thank you, and hoped for the best.

*

I made a list of women’s problems which began with men:

• Menstruation.
• Menopause.
• Manipulation.

‘The third one doesn’t quite fit, does it?’ My boyfriend glanced at my list.

‘Still counts.’ I highlighted the beginning of the words. I couldn’t think of any more.

*

‘Can we have a fish tank full of seahorses?’

‘I don’t think Santa has any of those.’

‘Don’t talk to me like I’m a child.’

‘Sorry, you are older than me.’

I don’t talk to him for the rest of the night.